Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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