He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
