he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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