She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
