Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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