What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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