Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
