i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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