That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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