Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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