just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
