I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
