I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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