I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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