I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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