Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
