call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
either way he was missing a nipple.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
