READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
