He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
