you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
