Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
