Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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