I didn't shave. On purpose
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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