Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
