no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's the barista slut.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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