absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
