We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
