just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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