Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
