True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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