if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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