Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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