i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
