My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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