The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize