i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
