This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
