If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
