She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
