Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lost the right to judge tonight
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
