you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
