how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize