I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
