i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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