he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
