You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
