so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
