My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
