i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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