I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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