I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
