i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
