he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
