I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
