I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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