I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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