Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
