So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
