we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize