i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
