my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize