it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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