Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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