so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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