I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
