I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
