I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize