There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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