I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
