The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
