Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
