Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
