trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm just crazy horny about you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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