i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
