You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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