Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
