1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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