dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
