uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
