Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize