Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
