You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
