I wish my penis had an off switch
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
