Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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