I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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