? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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