This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
