I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
