This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
