I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
