Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
