I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
