Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
