She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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