Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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