Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize