Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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