Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
God, I missed his penis.
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