I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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