this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my being single is dangerous.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
