She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
