We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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