Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize