So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
