I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
