ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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