I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize