also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
