i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
