In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
