i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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