I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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